“(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)”
2 Corinthians 5:7
One year ago, on this exact day, my husband surrendered to be a missionary – specifically to take the Gospel to our government leaders on Capitol Hill. He surrendered during the invitation at the altar of our home church on the last night of 2017. The moment he prayed and told the Lord he would do it – he would leave his home and family behind – and be a missionary, his dad’s prayer from the pulpit caught his attention. “Lord, call out more preachers and missionaries from this church.” Aaron’s heart was full. He knew he had obeyed and followed God’s leading.
This was an amazing night of victory for us! There was such peace and happiness to the point that we were like giddy schoolchildren. It felt like an engagement – God had asked, and we said, “YES.”
What made the victory so sweet were the battles it took to get there.
My husband knew the Lord was dealing with him and drawing him unto Himself so he began to intensify his seeking. I greatly struggled with how to cope with his needing so much of the Lord – when I felt like I needed Aaron’s help more than he needed to seek God. I addressed that wrong response and you can read about it here.
There was an unrest in our home as Aaron searched and prayed through God’s direction for our lives.
Yes, I said our.
Wife, remember your vows? The ones where you stood before God and witnesses saying that you would become one with the man whose hands you held? The Bible says that “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6) God’s Will for my husbands’s life is God’s Will for my life.
I knew the decision that was coming would be one of two things, either to stay where we were but with an intensified purpose for the work we were currently doing or to call us away into another ministry.
The struggle to find that answer and the waiting was almost unbearable! Along with my “perfectionism,” I also have the horrible struggle of impatience. I absolutely hate surprises – the ones I have to wait for. I loathed carrying a baby for 40 weeks because.. I HATE waiting! I wanted that sweet smelling, snuggly little baby in my arms the very moment I found out they were one the way.
After getting the kids settled one morning I told the Lord, “I’m sitting down to have my devotions and speak with You. I really need you to speak to me today. I need an answer. Give me something that I can hold onto while I’m waiting with Aaron for Your Will for our lives.” I can’t help but smile as I think of how desperate I was and that I felt I could almost “demand” an answer from the Most High. But praise be to His name! He knew just what I needed and sent me a pillow of hope that I could rest my anxious soul upon.
I had recently watched the film The Case for Christ, (which I highly recommend) and a verse that the wife quotes again and again intrigued me, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26) and oh how the passage that followed ministered and softened my heart! I continued reading and the Holy Spirit spoke to me in the following chapter.
Ezekiel had been brought by the Lord to a valley where he sees a multitude of bones. By God’s command, he preaches to these bones (the children if Israel), tells them that God will bring them to life again, and they will be delivered into their own land. “[…] then shall ye know that I the Lord have spoken it, and performed it, saith the Lord.” (Ezekiel 37:14) It was as if the Almighty had reached down from heaven and wrapped His arms around me and told me to trust. He was leading us away, but to not be afraid – just surrender.
I bowed my head and told the Lord I would go wherever He was speaking to Aaron that He would lead us to. I did not want to be the one to hold my husband back from doing what He felt called to do. So I surrendered the moment I knew. I had complete peace in my heart that God would be with us wherever we would go.
Little did I know that two months later God would call us to minister to our nation’s leaders in Washington, DC. When Aaron came and told me, my heart was already there because I had given it to God the day I had so desperately sought Him – and He had answered me.
What peace we now both have in knowing we are doing exactly what God has mapped out for our lives! We daily walk in the light of His Word and find direction for each step we take. The faith life that we live is not a sight life, but a blindfolded life. It is the best life.
As I enter many unknowns in 2019, one thing is for certain. There will be many twists and turns, unexpected difficulties, disappointments, triumphs, and many new opportunities. I will continue listening closely to the Voice that calls me and holding tightly to the Hand that sustains me – living blindfolded.